i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
