Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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