I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
