My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
