yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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