I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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