you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
