Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize