Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
