i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
