$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
