playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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