We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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