Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
