I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
