Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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