Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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