Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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