Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
