Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
