im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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