the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
