I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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