What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
