watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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