Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
