you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
