An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
