my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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