Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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