pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
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For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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