Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
