I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
