You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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