Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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