If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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