My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
