I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize