you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
