For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
