I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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