K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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