Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
