Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
