She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
