I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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