Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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