my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
