If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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