i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Are my feet made of real feet?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
