I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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