so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
