ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
