once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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