Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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