so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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