do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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