How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
