I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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