I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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