Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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