Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
