I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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